The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Case Closed!

Having looked over the evidence provided by the thermal imaging surveillance, I now know my enemy in the Great Orchard War! Let battle commence…

The video contains a reference to the Baby Jesus. Other fictional deities are available. The value of faith can go down as well as up. Always take professional advice before committing to a full-time lifestyle based around the teachings of a blonde-haired blue-eyed white man with a flowing beard born of a virgin birth in the Middle East. Unicorns do not exist. Nor do mermaids. Nor does Father Christmas.


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