The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Curcubits enjoy the torrential rain!

The beetroots, turnips, swede, cabbages, herbs, leeks, winter squash, onions, shallots, garlic, kale and calabrese have been decimated either by the weather or by the slugs. This has happened both at the field and in the garden. The potatoes died off early, so yields are low. The tomatoes are so backwards they’re at the stage expected in May. It’s not been what you can call a success.
The parsnips appear to be surviving, and the carrots are battling premature flowering. The salsify is hanging on in there, and the salad is going okay but will bolt in the expected three day heatwave. The beans are slow but growing, the spinach and chard are abundant, and the artichokes are already over six feet tall.

However, the summer squash – my nemesis of the curcubit family – are defying death and forging on. I’m already over-burdened with the things, and I am now seeing Patty Pan squash as big as babys’ heads. I photographed the one above next to a beer, as that was what I was holding at the time.

I have typical green courgettes, yellow round Floridors and the yellow Patty Pans. To be honest, they all taste pretty much the same, although my eyes make the yellow ones taste better. The spread of the plants has also engulfed a few late peas I put in to try and boost my success rate.

Speaking of defying death, one of the allotment ‘founders’ came very close to meeting his maker. The field is a private enterprise, and despite the ‘association’ being the tenant, a few of the founding members have decided to throw their weight around in order to manipulate the scheme.

They started to put pressure on those who want to grow stuff (and who do most of the work) to become unpaid workers at another project. It seemed an okay idea if we earned some funding, but at the eleventh hour, when it became obvious we were being shafted and would end up funding the other project out of our own pockets, we declined the offer.

The response was to remind us, in a less than polite way, who owned the land we were working. I should have knocked his teeth down his throat there and then. Mrs IG pointed out that I’d be in prison while he at home eating his dinner. My pointing out that at least I’d be able to eat solid food didn’t reassure her any! Still, it’s put a different twist on my plans going forwards.

I also have finally got the date for my knee hospital thing. Two months. Two bloody months, and then no doubt once they’ve worked out which bit to cut out it’ll be another few months until they can afford a knife.

Until then, there’s always the squash!

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8 thoughts on “Curcubits enjoy the torrential rain!

  1. Sue

    Oh dear. Sounds like not much good is coming out of it this year for you. Good luck with the surgery, the squash, and the allotment. And don’t worry about the jerk. They always seem to get what they deserve in the end.

  2. 5olly

    I’ve got one of those squash, about that size. I think it might be slowly rotting in the fridge though. Not because I hate squash! No it got weed on by a German Shepard standing in a hole. 🙁

  3. Jane

    Console yourself in everyone elses vegetational misery and rejoice too, knowing that come the festive season either Mrs IG will be running round tending your every need or you’ll be fixed & up n’running raring to go planning for next years every eventuality.
    Meanwhile…enjoy your sqaush!

  4. Hippo

    You could always arrange for someone else to come and do the dental work, someone who can slip quietly in and then out of the country again. You’d be surprised what some people would do for a decent pint…

    Bugger, I meant to post this anonymously but I had already pressed the publish button before I realised.

  5. Jelliebabe

    My husband has started to mutter darkly when I come home with “another bloody courgette!” Although I agree the yellow ones taste better! I’ve even started baking with them!


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