Hung like a donkey
For me, the courgette is something dark green, about five to six inches long, and around an inch to two inches in diameter. Some of the Yankee Doodles might at this point think “that sounds like a zucchini”, but despite what some might have us think, the two are the same thing. It’s strange that the Hingerlish use the word courgette, as it is Fr*nch in origin. Zucchini is, of course, Italian. Same fruit, different national identities.
Here’s some fun facts about the Italians. In the war, they switched sides, and all their tanks only had reverse gears. Here’s some fun facts about the Fr*nch. They burn sheep, they surrender, and they planted avenues of trees so the Germans could march in the shade. Maybe, all things considered, we need a new name for the courgette/zucchini. Maybe it could be the courchini, or even the zuccette. Either way, I figured that during my great cucurbit debacle, my courchinis would fail.
I got a bit excited when I saw some flowers, but no fruit followed. Then I saw some flowers with fruit, and I did celebrate like a blind man who has just discovered his dog knows the way to the knocking shop. As an aside, did you hear about the blind prostitute? You’ve got to hand it her! Where was I? Oh yes, I did celebrate my fruit until someone pointed out that it would wither and die without pollination.
I had two choices. The first was to ponce about in the garden with a pastry brush, and the second was to trust fate and let the bees do their thing. As the pub was open and I’d already got changed, I decided to leave things in the hands of Mother Nature. It seems that the bees did good. Well, a few of them did good.
I started by explaining that the courgette is something dark green, about five to six inches long, and around an inch to two inches in diameter. Well, one out of three ain’t bad! Mine are around and inch to two inches in diameter. However, dark green they ain’t, and the big one is currently about a foot long and growing! It raises a smirk from me every time I see it, because I never really grew up properly. Jokes about bums and willys still make me laugh, and that courgette … well, you have to give it some respect.
As another aside, the other day I ate my first scalloped squash. I sauted them with a little butter. They had a sweet squash flavour, along with a taste akin to homemade chips. Now, I’m not talking about homemade chips today, made with healthy oil in a deep fat fryer. I am talking about those home made chips that your Mum used to make on a winter’s day, when you were about ten years old. You’d come in from school, your skin burning with the cold, and she’d be making chips. Even before you’d applied the salt and vinegar, you’d eat that first one, red hot and scorching in your tongue. That’s the taste they had!
Despite the death, the disease and the misery, I am starting to view the cucurbit in a slightly different way!