The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Polynesian Gibbon (featuring Nelson Sauvin)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a pint of Polynesian Gibbon!

First off, the recipe! This is for 5 UK Gallons. If you want to convert it to 5 US Gallons, then either divide the values by 23 and multiply the result by 19, or just make 5 UK Gallons and stop being a girl!

The grain used is:
5kg Maris Otter Pale Malt
0.5kg Vienna Malt/Munich Malt*
0.5kg Wheat (White or Torrified – it’s just for head retention really)

* I tend to use Vienna Malt in summer, and Munich in winter. The beer was inspired by Thornbridge Brewery’s Kipling, and whilst the Munich takes it slightly off piste in terms of colour and maltiness, it doesn’t matter as the hops are boosted!

Mash time is 90 minutes at 65 degrees with the sparge at 77 degrees.

Hops used:
First Wort: 50g Nelson Sauvin
20 Minutes: 50g Nelson Sauvin
10 Minutes: 50g Nelson Sauvin
Flameout: 50g Nelson Sauvin
Dry Hop (10 days): 100g Nelson Sauvin

In a nutshell, I put 50g of the hops into the boiler before adding the hot wort. It then sits and infuses for the 20 odd minutes that the sparge takes. Once the volume is up I bring it to the boil and take it from there. Total boil time is 60 minutes, with a teaspoon of Irish Moss at around 10 minutes remaining.

The Nelson Sauvin I’m using are 12.7% Alpha Acid. I’d heartily recommend trying to find these. I don’t know of a good alternative! I can’t be arsed to calculate the IBU.

Yeast used: Danstar Nottingham.

OG 1.055
FG 1.010

The final beer is light, crisp, and bitter with a hint of grapefruit. It sounds odd, but it works an absolute treat.

Nowadays, what with the Pinkos espousing healthy living and responsible drinking, it seems that sinking 10 pints of beer just because you feel like it is frowned upon. As a result, many suppliers of beer have started offering food and beer combinations, trying to imply that you should drink beer to accentuate the flavour of food, rather than to get in a fist-fight with a lady of the night (and lose) and awaken the next morning with only one shoe and a pocket filled with loose change.

Whilst I wouldn’t recommend ruining beer with food, I will state that if you need a reason to get as pissed as a very pissed bear, then this goes well with Pork. This advice may often be repeated, because I like Pork.

A final point is this. The beer is so refreshing that you do want to down it like … well, like beer … on a hot day. My next experiment will be to up the mash water so I get a complete volume without sparging. The resultant beer should be between 1.055 and 1.060, giving a rough ABV of 6-6.5%. I will then add enough sparge water to make another batch. Sparge runs tend to be around 1.035, which will give a second batch of beer of around 3.3% ABV, for children, girls and early morning drinking.


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9 thoughts on “Polynesian Gibbon (featuring Nelson Sauvin)

  1. Cat

    I’m impressed, IG. Sounds like a good glass of beer to sip or slug, depending on your preference, on the back porch at dusk.

  2. Brigitta Huegel

    Dear IG,
    in Bavaria you get good freshly brewed beer too, but doing it yourself is of course more interesting.
    In the next time I can comment/write only sometimes – though he is out of danger and no vital parts hurt, Husband had in Hildesheim (where he works at the university – week-end commuter to Berlin) a bad bicycle accident – many bones broken – I go between both cities – and it all will take a long time.
    No need to post this comment – I just wanted you to be informed that it is not neglect when I don’t comment.
    This being said: now I need a pint of your beer, mate!

  3. The Idiot Gardener

    5olly: Dirty Chimp is a oatmeal stout that is just about to hit maturity. Pre-carbonation tastes set it apart from other stouts as it tastes like a dirty chimp, in all the good ways!!!

    Iam Mudrock: I use a Brupak boiler. It’s good. For full grain boils of 26 litres the only downside is that it can take up to 40 minutes to hit a rolling boil. Once it does it’s great with a constant aggressive simmer. I have considered going for a fuck-off butane burner set-up, but the UK isn’t the best for outdoor boiling. For me, the Brupak Boiler works well and if mine died I’d buy another!

    Phil: it’s more like a Thornbridge Kipling. That said, a Landlord with citric bitterness is pretty close. It’s very …and I mean very …. hoppy!

    Britta: Fuck that, I hope he’s okay. That’s bad news!

  4. Turling

    BRILLIANT! I was off on a fishing trip this weekend and got back to this! Well, I know what my next batch will be, although converting everything from metric will probably leave me with a keg of honey mead, but so be it.

    And, the whole beer/food thing is highly overrated. Made by restauranteurs to sell more food rather then you spending all your money on beer.

    And, I just polished off my last batch and due to my piss poor timing don’t have anything fermenting. Well, looks like next weekend just freed up a bit.


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