Super Raised Beds: the best just isn’t good enough
Sometimes, for some people (that’ll be me), the best just simply isn’t enough. Trust me; let me show you what I mean.
Picture the scene; you and your loved one are in Africa on Safari. Obviously, if you’re single, you can skip this paragraph and move straight on to the next. Now, where were we? Africa, yes, that’s right. You’ve taken your loved one there, because you love them. Sadly, on day 3 of the non-refundable trip, a lion eats them. Oh well! You call your insurance company, the Embassy and even the local mayor, but it’s no dice; you must stay for the remaining 11 nights.
You’re in the bar, alone, drinking to forget. Then a voice, friendly and warm, asks, “Is anyone sitting here?” You look up and see…
Okay, this is where you have to do some work. When I look up I see Myleene Klass in the white bikini she wore on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! Obviously, if you’re a lady, this might not work for you. Instead, you might see Sean Connery when he was young, Brad Pitt, a thin Elvis or even Stephen Hawking; just go with whoever gets you going. Men, if you’re not up for Mylene, go with who you want. You might even be up for Stephen Hawking yourselves. I’m not judging here, I’m just saying go for it.
Now, I tell Myleene to sit but not to expect any chat. She asks why and I explain that a lion ate Mrs IG. She sighs; it seems her husband was eaten by a hippo this very morning.
She orders drinks (she pays, because she’s rich), and the waiter brings them, along with a bowl of nuts. We both reach for the bowl, and as our fingers touch we know, in that moment, what love is!
Okay, I’m hoping that so far, no one has had to excuse themselves. Here’s the point; most of us might happily accept that if our other halves had been eaten by lions, then despite the obvious hurt, it’s probably a bloody good outcome. I could spend the rest of my days with Myleene, admiring her beauty, watching her shower, listening to her playing the piano, laughing at her wit, spending her money.
Here’s the thing; some people – like me – just are never satisfied! If that really happened, I’d screw it up. Within days I’d be pestering her to dress up so we could play ‘The Panzer Commander and the Milk Maid’, and no, I’m not saying which one I’d be! Then it would be off to Papua to initiate her in some voodoo cult where you get to smoke 20 Cohibas a day. After that, it would get weird. You see, I’d have landed what many men would call a dream life, but I’d want something else within weeks, maybe even days.
Why oh why oh why can’t I just enjoy things? I put it down to the madness I caught off my father. It’s always been the way. A great example is raised beds. When I first approached gardening, I was turned onto raised beds by accident. I explain all here. Anyway, I saw a few raised beds that were one plank high, and I saw some over-priced kits, so I built my own. The picture here was my first bed.
Now, some mocked my choice of a very deep bed, others questioned why I had done it that way. The truth is that a simple raised bed was not enough. I built the deep raised bed instead. Here’s the thing. I loved it. Some other lunatics loved it too. One person told me it was the raised bed to end raised beds. I agreed. It was a perfect bed. What more can a gardener want?
Well, like the Mylene example, my mind darkened fairly quickly, whirring and banging and popping until an idea was formed, and that grew into … an insanity! Is the deep raised bed still enough? No, not any more. I need something … extra!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the product of an idiot’s mind; I give you the Super Bed!
Okay, yes, it’s a deep raised bed, but it has a frame on top. It’s covered with plastic glazing, so it’s a sort of cold frame bed. Then, when summer hits, the glazing can be replaced with netting. Then, as autumn closes in, it can be covered with fleece to extend salad growing into winter. Also, the whole frame can be removed and put on another deep raised bed, or even just put on the soil and used as a cloche! The side panels open for ventilation and ease of access.
The Super Bed; it’s just like Myleene, but dressed as a Panzer Commander!
Please don’t post just to tell me it looks crap or it’s not straight. I’m an idiot, not a blind man. I know it’s not perfect … yet!
You may well scoff today; you might sneer and you might even snigger, but I tell you this. You’re going to want one before the week is over. Yes you are.
SUPER BED! And it only cost me £10 to make. Now, where’s my milking stool?