The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Arse Gas

Some men think it is funny to drop their guts, and then trick their loved ones into taking a lungful. Whether in the bedroom, the car or even in a restaurant,..

It’s time to say … goodbye!

Now, if I mentioned dragon-slaying, some out there might grin (predominantly immature men) whilst others will need an explanation. It transpires that many men,..

Stupid? I can do that!

Easter. So the Baby Jesus died, and the spuds went into their bags. Back in January, I was going to go to Damo’s local potato day, but on realising it..

Fire and Theft!

I had no dilema about the recipient of my spare seeds. Apologies to the others, but once I got a message from Liz at Nutty Gnome, it was all over. If you read..

To fart, or not to fart; that is the question!

As a gentleman, I don’t like to expel gas from my anal tract in front of my sweetheart. Obviously, I mean that when my sweetheart is before me, I refrain..

It’s moments like this that we live for!

There are times when life just doesn’t get any better. Trust me on this, it simply DOES NOT get any better. Why? Well, I’m buggered if I know, but..

Who am I really? And the artichokes replied…

On returning from our little jaunt to Budapest, it transpired that the garden hadn’t taken a break. It felt odd to think that things still grew while I..

Taller than the tallest tree

I know I said I’d do the Wet Dream Post next (trust me, even I’m tired of the joke now, so maybe it’s best that I let it lay fallow for a..

Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?

When I was a lad, I remember waiting at a bus stop near my house when my mate’s elder brother happened along. We chatted awkwardly – I was a child of..


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