The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

No Living Room for Old Men

Back when I was a lad, people used to put babies in drawers. No, this wasn’t some kind of craze whereby people put their babies in drawers, snapped a..

I’ve got a big one!

‘Blimey, that is a whopper! Is it limp?’ ‘Certainly not; it’s firm and juicy.’ ‘Is the end a bit damp and soggy?’..

No longer moist!

Since building the Idiot Greenhouse, I’ve been fighting a battle against condensation. At first, of a morning, the roof seemed to have a few drips on it...

There used to be a thing called September…

Back when I was a lad and it was all fields around here, we had this thing called September. If I remember rightly, it was quite popular, lasted for 30 days,..

Building a greenhouse for idiots!

First off, if you’re here looking for greenhouse plans, or want to find out how to build the world’s cheapest greenhouse, then you’re in the..

DIY Greenhouse Prelude!

So, you want a greenhouse? Trust me, I understand. I really do. I wanted a greenhouse too. I really wanted one because I was sick to death of blighted..

Stupidity and Pain; business as usual!

Way back when I didn’t have grey hair, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to take advantage of young ladies. Like most adoloscent males, I..

Spanking the arse of neglect!

Way back when, in the mists of time, Hill 49 stood as a symbol of laziness. It was like a carbuncle on the buttock of good intentions, and those who have been..

When the going gets tough, the tough do woodwork!

Thus far, 2012 has been a bitch. Rain, rain and more rain, plus cold, cloud and rain, has meant that most cultivation has been hit and miss. It is, quite..

Turf Wars – Plot 9 starts to take shape.

“It’s not a plot, it’s a bloody field.” No shit, Sherlock! “You’ve got your work cut out for you there.” Really?..

Idiot see, Idiot do! (Greenhouse Project Part 1)

I have a friend who always says that if I fell into a pile of cow shit I’d come out with a cigar. I think that what he was saying, in his own way, is..

2012 – A year of gardening dangerously!

Can you tell what it is yet? Let’s be honest; 2011 started badly, with grief before the year had even begun. It was as if that shit tainted the whole..

Raising the earth: raised beds and greenhouse madness

There are two things I’ve learned about gardening this week: I’ve learned a little bit about beds, and I’ve learned a little bit about glass,..


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