The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Raised Beds: Size Does Matter!

So, here’s the thing: I like big raised beds. The idea of making massive fuck-off sized raised beds first came about at Idiot Towers, before the move to..

Covering Up

Tracy was, when all was said and done, a bit off her chump. She wasn’t like other girls. For a start, she could fight, smoke, drink, swear and..

Idiot 1: Dirty Cats 0

Here’s a thing. There are several old people in the village whose partners have either died, or left them, or admitted that they’re more Martha..

When the going gets tough, the tough do woodwork!

Thus far, 2012 has been a bitch. Rain, rain and more rain, plus cold, cloud and rain, has meant that most cultivation has been hit and miss. It is, quite..

Just when you feel like putting both barrels in your mouth…

Most people view me as an optimist. I might seem to be the one that pushes on through adversity to achieve the goals I’m focused on, and yes, sometimes I..

Tracey Cahill and Early Salads

Long time readers might recognise the name Tracey Cahill. Well, the story starts some 2012 years ago with that chap who often gets a mention here: Jesus. As a..

Plot 9 from Outer Space

Well, after what seems like a lifetime, I no longer hate some of you. Ever since my conversion to gardening, I have been stealing inches of my garden from..

Audere est Facere

Yes indeedy, Audere est Facere! Not just the motto of the might Tottenham Hotspur (we’re building for the future, honest), but also a creed for all idiot..

Behold what I have done; I’ve made a better world for everyone!

As the sun, a crimson ball of fiery hope, settled towards the darkening horizon, the sweating man stood, leaning on his shovel. The small boys gathered around..

What do you get if you cross an idiot with a garden?

Well, folks, the curtain has fallen, the lights are out, it’s all over and done with. I now officially declare my first gardening year over. Yes, there..

Super Raised Beds: the best just isn’t good enough

Sometimes, for some people (that’ll be me), the best just simply isn’t enough. Trust me; let me show you what I mean. Picture the scene; you and..

Trench warfare!

Sadly my weekend has been eroded by having to travel to a work thing on the other side of the world on Sunday, but Saturday lay before me like a sunny but..

Bean there, done that

I’ve been packing a few things for my travels (well, chucking a spare pair of pants in a bag), but my mind hasn’t been on the task at hand...

Steamy and seedy; that’s the way I like it

Bed 3 is up (just a screw through my finger to report), and I’ve hit on a cracking idea for herb planters. However, that’s not what made my weekend..

The Riddle and the Plan

This morning, I started my day with a riddle in the garden. Londoners can chorttle at the schoolboy humour and the rest can read on, unaware that they were..

A big pile of steaming pooh!

At last, the temperatures have crept above freezing and the snow is receding. The current hope is that maybe the weekend will see the commencement of..


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