Welcome to the Idiot Brewery
Plans are being planned, work is starting, the Idiot Brewery is open for business.
Well, when I say open, I mean I opened the door, looked inside, muttered ‘oh, for fuck’s sake’, shifted some shit to one side and dragged in my brewing equipment. It’s open, as in I’ve been inside the four walls and have messed with malts and hops, some yeast was added, and fermentation took place. So it’s open.
When I say for business, I mean the business of brewing beer (and cider when the harvest is in from the orchard). I do not, neither now or in the future, have any intention of doing business in the brewery. It is a place of fun, not a place of work. How could business take place when a shambolic bloke is walking around muttering ‘fuck’ whilst spilling hot wort on his boots?
The Idiot Brewery is a bit like Lorraine Kelly’s growler; it’s not a beauty but it’ll get the job done. Of an early morning, there’s often a buzzard perched atop it. The brewery, that is, not Lorraine Kelly’s growler. I did play with the idea of calling it the Buzzard Brewery for around three seconds, but decided that made it sound like some craft beer wankfest where chocca-mocha porter is made alongside organic glutten-free brown ale with a hint of cucumber minge.
In it’s bare naked state, the Idiot Brewery comes with power, water and a sink. Thanks to a kitchen refit at the Idiot House, I shall be adding another double sink, a bunch of cupboards with worktops and an extractor fan to draw steam into the outside world. My host of beer fridges made the journey with me, and these are being transformed into temperature-controlled fermentation chambers.
More immediate intentions are the creation of storage areas, some sort of gravity-based structure, some shiny shit, a picture of Lorraine Kelly and a radio.
The building internal measurements are 11 x 3.7 metres, so there’s space to set up a few experimental areas. While the production will mostly be centred on beer, there are plans for cider and perry (I’ll address the orchard and its plans in another post) and some wine for Mrs IG.
Progress will undoubtedly be as slow as a slow child trying to open a door marked ‘pull’, but I’ll try and remember to log the various developments as I go along.