The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

When the going gets tough, the tough do woodwork!

Thus far, 2012 has been a bitch. Rain, rain and more rain, plus cold, cloud and rain, has meant that most cultivation has been hit and miss. It is, quite frankly, a shit storm of failure. Anyone living in the UK will understand what I mean; others might like to think about the fabled Noah.

The potatoes seem happy enough, as does the chard and spinach. Everything else has reacted badly to a total lack of sunshine, low temperatures and persistant dampness. Now we’re on the other side of the solstice, we’ve only got winter to look forward to!

What’s an idiot to do, when even the elements conspire against him? The answer is simple. Build some shit!

First off, I decided that any new squash needed to be away from the crows, and as the garden lacks crow activity, it’s the ideal spot … if I had any room. The first job was the Beanage Extension. Yes, it does look shit, but once filled with soil no one will see just how shit it really is!

Whilst I had the saw out I decided that it might be worth making a start on the long-ignored Greenhouse Project. I stuck a few posts in, with some lower bracing, and waited for the concrete to set.

A friend popped by, and on seeing the project developing beyond stuff dumped by the garden gate, asked about the plans. I told him I planned to build a greenhouse. No, he retorted, the plans, for the greenhouse.

Plans? What the hell does he think is going on here? I’m not building a bloody tower block. It’s a greenhouse. I just stick the bits in, and then when the final bit needs to be built, I’ll just cut the materials to fit. Isn’t that how everyone does it?

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15 thoughts on “When the going gets tough, the tough do woodwork!

  1. santastu

    HI, your so right so much time and effort, wasted with plans
    go green ditch the paper work, save a tree.
    I’m much happier just toshing it together
    seeing how it goes,much more satisfying
    when its all done
    ( was going to write finished but sometimes
    thats not quite meant to-be )

    Near enough is good enough

  2. Ninaschen

    Apart from an actual plan of where you are going to stick which bits of timber, was he maybe thinking of a planning approval from your Council? You might need that, too. Just wondering.

  3. Turling

    “I just stick the bits in, and then when the final bit needs to be built, I’ll just cut the materials to fit.”

    That sure sounds like a plan to me.

  4. Liz

    Well I don’t know about everyone else but that’s how I do it too. So now I know I’m in good company here. I love reading your posts, it’s what everyone is thinking but hasn’t got the guts to say.

  5. Kath

    We’re building arks across the pond too. While the NE is sweltering the NW is drowning. Normal yearly rainfall 18.92 inches (we don’t do metric) To date in 2012 25.20 inches. Normal yearly temerature in June 69F (we don’t do celsius either). To date in June 64F… don’t whine at me about rain and cold.

  6. Cat

    You’re a builder after my own heart! My husband is a lot more precise than I…he handles the building at our place. This is the same reason why I switched from stained glass to mosaics. A lot more freedom and less precision in mosaics. You might give it a try.

  7. Brigitta Huegel

    Dear IG,
    no time, no time, hammering at my woodwork….
    Things are getting better bit by bit here – so I only sometimes leave the room to bite off a chunk from the oak cupboard 🙂


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