The Idiot Gardener

WARNING: This site contains information on gardening, brewing, curing meat,

building shit and hunting, all done in a piss-poor manner. It is not suitable for the

feeble-minded, the weak and lame, those of a nervous disposition, vegans and

vegetarians (and those other ones that only eat fish and the occasional bacon

sandwich - I think they're called 'hypocrites'), those who practice any

manner of folk singing or dancing, people named Colin or fans of Barry Gibb.

Wolf Garten Tools Review

Have you ever looked at something and thought, ‘I bet that’s going to be a pile of shit’? Well, I have. On more than one occasion. Don’t forget, I grew up in the K-Tel era, when people handed over hard-earned cash for a glass cutter which turned old bottles into lethal tumblers, or a shitty rivet gun for fixing buttons onto clothes with big plastic pegs.It was crap for the masses, and the masses queued up for the ‘not available in the shops’ tat! Obviously, the queue was metaphorical, because it really wasn’t available in the shops. It was mass-advertised televisual order-by-phone crap!

I had that ‘this is going to be a big pile of shit’ feeling when I first looked at Wolf Garten Tools. The concept is an odd one. You buy the handles – there’s a variety of lengths from 1.7 metre ones down to short hand-tool size ones, or even a telescopic one that extends to 4 metres – and then you buy tool heads which clip on. That’s right; any idiot can see immediately that it’s a recipe for early failure!

So, if I was a doubter, why did I bother buying one with my own hard-earned cash? Simple really. If – and it was a massive IF – it worked, it made life so much simpler, especially if using varied tools at a number of different sites. That was one factor, but the more important one was that they came with a 10 year warranty, so despite the fact I knew I would break them well within the period covered by the Sale of Goods Act following initial purchase, it did mean if any survived I had a decade to rip the living shit out it.

In truth, it was more of an adventure that would make a good story; how I destroyed the Wolf Garten Tool range! I had nothing to lose.

Now, if you’re a bit of a linguist, you might have spotted that Wolf Garten Tools have spelled Garden incorrectly. It’s because they’re Germans. That’s right, they were too lazy to translate it! Luckily for the idle bastards the word for Wolf in German is Wolf, so that was a ‘get out of jail free’ card. They did manage to translate ‘werkzeug’ into ‘tool’, because otherwise we wouldn’t have a clue what we were buying.

What is interesting about Wolf Garten Tools is that once you’ve bought your handle (or handles in my case), you then are set into a world of replaceable heads. I’d be ready to bet that everyone who has ever gone down the Wolf route has at least one head that they bought just because it looked good, and now they rarely use it. My ‘mistake’ purchase was the Ridger. I bought it because I figured that it would make planting potatoes a doddle, forgetting that I use a no-dig approach to potatoes. Maybe someone should set up a Wolf head exchange service!

To be honest, all of my other heads – cultivator, soil miller, push-pull weeder, double hoe, dutch hoe and rake – all get a high degree of use. Some of them look quite fearsome, and I’m surprised that Gangsta Rappers don’t adopt them as fake claw hand things. They’d certainly shit up the opposition in a stand-off at the late night kebab shop!

I’ve given my Wolf Garten Tools a right hammering, and so far they’ve yet to fail me. The ‘Multi-Change’ mechanism works well, and isn’t lose. Changing heads is as quick as that. Yes, I just changed one while writing that sentence. There, I’ve changed it again. How easy is that? They might not be the cheapest tools out there, but they’re not going to rip you a new arsehole either, and once you’ve made the investment in the handle, additional heads are cheaper than dedicated tools for every job.

I give Wolf Garten Tools a well deserved 9.5 out of 10!

Why not 10?

What’s it got to do with you?

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4 thoughts on “Wolf Garten Tools Review

  1. Tom Stephenson

    Nothing at all, though I do also know a member of the De Walt family – an Anglican Monk living in Salisbury – does that count?

    Reply

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